I was going to post something about my own experience with depression over the past three years. But I felt like Andrew Solomon vocalises my feelings in a far more colourful way in the video below, and that I could not do it the justice that he gives it.
For me at least, being a natural “thinker” I always felt it inevitable that questions most ignore on a daily basis would be ones of great concern to me. The truth of reality is that we are all intrinsically alone, and that does not seem to bother some…Depression is the realisation of the truth in the world and simultaneously not seeing the lie the truth presents to us – much like the example above, that we are all alone. The truth, crippled me. You are never fully and completely alone, but that is its cloud, and thats the cross you bear in the throws of illness. It is the belief that you have found the truth in reality. It is the truth that nothing really matters, the truth that we will all be dead anyway and the truth that there is nothing you can do in the face of the word “inevitable.”
In my depression I tried to forge meaning from it, and it shaped me as a person. Depression helped to shape my personality today and I am forever grateful for the inward experience it gave me as I worked to build a person from almost nothing after it broke me down over the course of 3 years and I finally sought help. It was in working from the inside out, rather than the outside in, that changed my perspective on everything as I had tried to do so many times.
When you are sick, you are sick. When you are sad, you are sad. And it is important to accept that negativity in your life and try to learn something from it.
I realise I am in a privileged position, I do not fear of another episode of depression, but nor do I welcome it. It has become a cornerstone of my understanding that I will learn something from it. And although it will be tough, and everything almost ended for me on a number of occasions over the past three years, but I will come out the other side of it…hopefully unscathed.
Depression was my three year long privilege, but a dangerous one at that.
It taught me about life, and myself, and only with help did I ever stand a chance of recovering from it.
Anyway…have a listen to the below video. 🙂