Have you ever had to work a mind numbing job and think, “I am so much better than this,” or how about working away, and your manager is being a douche and you are just sat thinking, “You know what, I have a degree, you don’t, I am more intelligent than you,” Have you ever been sat wondering why you are stacking shelves when you have aspirations to be a pilot, you hate the way people look at you and you just think, “My time will come, I am better than this,”
This amounts to what I like to call, “The Notions,”
I, like most people, have certain notions about myself.
I like to think I am funny, kind, sincere, have a hidden softness and am even a nice person at the best of times. I do know, that I probably only have about 20% of those attributes. Like most people, I place my own views of myself before others. Don’t pay much attention to what others think about me, and at least try to be the best person that I can be.
The notions are a collection of certain sometimes intangible ideas one has about themselves. They are the daydreams, they are the dreams, they are the notes you put on paper, and the extra-curricular tasks you set yourself to look up information about online. If like myself you also suffer from “notions,” there is hope. The truth of the matter is that I view myself as so unbelievably contradictory that it MUST be that I am SO intelligent in one particular way that people just don’t seem to understand. I remember my Mother once noting that “To be honest Mole (which is her pet name for me, the origins of which are more suited for another blog post about the ‘X Files’) I think it’s that you’re probably too intelligent, and thats whats wrong with you.” She would say it in such a lyrical way, that you couldn’t take even the smallest bit of offence. In some instances she may be right. I can describe in detail how I feel like a plastic bottle buried under wet sand on the 12th of December on some forgotten beach in Scotland, then paint it, and no one understands those feelings.
The Notions come from a deep seated insecurity that you are SO different, SO strange, that there must be something amazing within you. When this is the case, you are indeed, so full of the notions that even your notions have notions.
I have notions of being an Academic. An Academic with notions to be specific, an Academic so full of those notions that I drive an A Class Mercedes and write books and travel the world speaking at conferences and am on TV to give my views on topics that will only ever matter to 0.01% of the population and I will even have a town house. Full of the latest mod cons and someone to dress me in the morning, shop for me, set up my TVs and yet I am sat here writing about my notions which have grown notions and I am NOTHING like what I describe above yet I have that certain feeling that my time has not yet come. But I feel like it’s coming.
They say that you should never ever forget your dreams. Which is true. I am a huge believer in living for your dreams, and never ever giving up. It took me two years to get myself in a position where I could go back to college and here I am about to realign myself with the academics in university and become the notion I have fostered over the past two years.
You see the thing is that many people out there have a negative view of the notions one can have about themselves but to be honest, what is the harm. Notions are those things that are almost like butterflies. You cant become a butterfly without once being a ugly hairy little caterpillar. It is important to hold onto your dreams, but it is also important to hold onto your notions. Don’t let anyone take them from you because when you are beat down and you’ve been rejected from a University three times and all you want to do is cry…It’s your deep seeded notions about yourself that will get you through. Along with friends of course.
Notions are nothing to be ashamed of, they are that glimmer in your head of what you are going to become if you put your mind to it. As you go to sleep you dream of your future, you imagine it a certain way, this is the time when those notions are cultivated.
They never tell you about the final stage of notions. “The High Faluting Notions,”are a set of notions SO deep seeded that the person suffering with notions does not even know they have them. At this point, you may need to reconsider your notions.
Until then though…let your notions be free.
Academic with Notions.