When I write I sometimes pretend I am Ginger in As Told By Ginger.
Mostly because I like her voice. It is warm, encouraging and has an understated charisma that I am drawn to. For those of you who don’t know who she is, I would suggest you youtube the show. It’s super fly.
I am at a bit of a stand still at the moment. I’m waiting on the mitigation committee in my university to approve the removal of a cap on my second year exam results over three years ago. Let’s just say its been a bit of a struggle to get that application in considering it took three years. Although I am still very happy with life in general, I mean I have a great job that I enjoy quite a lot and am very comfortable, I only work 3/4 days a week, it leaves a lot of time for thought and maybe less than average action right now.
What with marathon training I am a teeny bit drained, and my life is revolving around getting enough calories into my body so that I can perform when I train every day. It’s a tad bit exhausting.
I sometimes take a step back and think of the things I have done on a personal level like learn how to play guitar, started drawing and painting again, started this blog even and even in the face of those things I just cant shake that feeling of stagnation! It’s that lingering “I should be doing more than I am.”
It wasn’t until I spoke with a friend of mine on the issue. She was in a similar situation and felt like although she was working towards her personal and very individual goals, she also felt like they were of no value. In much the same way that I felt about everything I had done. I think sometimes we place too much importance on academic and education achievements as the value systems in our lives. I realise it is the guiding force in life really if you are that way inclined. That it may seem like you’re drifting if you are out of the inner circle of academia. Believe me, it can feel very alienated from reality when you are outside the system like I am right now. It’s institutions jobs to make it difficult to get in, it builds character and forces you to be resilient, yet after three years of waiting I feel like I deserve a break…so if they could let me know whether my results have been uncapped soon that would be great.
It’s hard being outside of something you so desperately want to be a part of. But just because your “work” doesn’t revolve around that one thing does not mean that everything you do is not of value to your life. Not just intrinsically but that it may help you in the future. For example this blog, what with my moderately witty and lyrical writing style, may help me secure a nice little weekly column in some local newspaper HINT HINT TO ANYONE READING I HAVE A LOT OF TIME TO WRITE.
Thing is, everything I did in the first few months since I left college set up the situation I found myself in last month. It was my event management notions in 2011 that introduced me to my present employer, and that is allowing me to work while I eventually do my masters, it is a super job, and very creative which I love. It’s just funny how things work out in the end.
I often find it quite funny how I relate most of my life situations to Disney movies. In this instance I am reminded of Pocahontas, and how she didn’t know what to do, was having dreams and whatever. Mother Willow suggested she follow her heart. Maybe if you follow your heart it somehow becomes impossible to go wrong?
I guess what I am saying is, anything you do now, when you feel like you’re drifting is going to help you in the future. You may not see it now, but I know myself that the science blog I also do may help me on an application form for a job, showing that I have an interest in social policy and what not. You’ve just got to trust your interests to take you where you are supposed to be. Just because you’re not making money, doesn’t mean it’s time wasted.
Until then though, I work through my idle time making snapchats.