Humour / Life Advice

All Is Fair In Love and Grindr

27th March 2014


My Mother says I should marry a Nuclear Physicist. She thinks, like all mothers do, that I am far more intelligent than I actually am. Her solution to my inability to connect with men who arnt on their way to PhD level studies has been to prescribe me job types of the men she thinks that I need to be with. However she has been very obliging, she will even take their looks into account.

Course she has had other notions besides the science types, I remember her telling me she’s found the perfect man for me. He did Philosophy too, along with History she thought, and that he was now studying in Dublin. As if the distance wasn’t enough to turn me off, the same person is a cast member of Game of Thrones so then I decided perhaps that just isn’t going to work, or was at best wishful thinking on her part.

It is true that I sometimes have trouble finding an intellectual equal. But the fact of the matter is that the trend just happens to be towards doctors (medical or academic). So it might surprise you when I decided to give Grindr a go.

I became aware of the virtues of Grindr whilst living in London. Nothing ever happened between myself and a man over there, but it was always nice to just have a chat with people who had the same “inclination” as myself. Some of them were even good looking. When I returned to Cork, Ireland, it hit home how small Cork is for this kind of app. I think the timeline was about two weeks before I felt the need to delete it again. It was October 2012 and I didn’t have the college flow to take me gay clubbing on a weekly basis. Along with that I figured I didn’t have much money. This was the simple alternative and maybe a necessary evil.

I found out pretty quick that most people think I have nice eyes, they would call me cute and tell me that I am handsome. They would even say that I looked like “a young Colin Farrell” Perhaps it was my own sense of status that this offended me. I felt as if I was a crutch for some people, guys on Grindr can get pretty moody if you don’t reply to them…seven messages later and I am ready to block. I deleted it soon after I realised that most of the people on here, were my friends. It was like Facebook for me – and with that I decided to delete.


My next and most recent tryst with Grindr has been a more interesting one involving a questionable date, a horrid picture of a phallus, and old peoples penchant for saying I have lovely eyes.

Although my initial observations about it have been very sceptical. I have learned to see it as a window shopping experience.

Although I am yet to find my nuclear physicist, I will carry on the half arsed search regardless…

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